One year ago today...Sweet Tay's 10th birthday, it was the early hours....around 2:30 AM. I slept in a recliner in your room next to your bed. You stirred and I jumped out of bed and ran to your side. "Are you ok Mom". You nod 'yes'. "Are you in any pain". You nod 'no'. "I love you Mom". And somewhere you find the breath to try and say it back, 'LUV'. Thru tears I tell you "Oh, Mom...it's ok, you don't have to say it, I know you love me". I hug you, hold your hand and just cry. I love you so much...watching you go thru this is like someone is slowly ripping my heart out of my chest and peeling the skin of my body...no pain is greater! You settle down and fall back asleep, those were the last words you spoke and the last time you were responsive. The next morning, I stand next to your hospital bed, watching you lie there lifeless....but looking very peaceful. You'd take slow breaths...about 5 or 6 per minute. We all knew what we had to do....what you were waiting for, so one by one we take turns. I hold your hand and tell you how much I love you, I thank you for all you'd given me. I tell you how I hope to be 1/2 the Mother to my kids that you are to your's. I then say to you... that it was 'ok' to leave us on Taylor's birthday, I tell you that could be our special sign, our sign that you would always look over her. Telling you goodbye and that it was 'ok' to die...was the hardest thing I've ever had to say!!! But I knew...I knew in my heart I needed to do it....for you, you needed to hear those words from all of your children, you loved us all so much, you needed to hear that we would be ok without you. You had done your job Mom, you loved us enough...so much that we could find the strength in our hearts to carry on...for you Mom, because we knew that is what you wanted us to do. Your memories and love would live within us...in our hearts. When the last of us had expressed our love...told our beloved Mother 'goodbye' your vitals dropped...very low. We all stood still, watching and crying. It was so very hard....losing the one you love more than life itself. Just when we thought you were gone, your vitals shot back up,....you were holding on, but why? Could it be because it was Sweet Tay's birthday and you didn't want to 'ruin' our day? We brought little Taylor in, she sang you a song...a song to her Grandma in her own little words. Everyone in the room was so very quiet and it took our breath away....it was so beautiful. We spent the rest of the day with you Mom...watching, stroking and just loving you...wishing none of this had every happened...wondering HOW it even happened....this fast. Then just 2 minutes before Sweet Tay's birthday was officially over...at 11:58 PM on August 18, 2007, You draw your last breath. I miss you Mom, more than any words could ever say! I miss you and love you with every breath I take! Every night in my dreams I see you. I feel you. That is how I know you go on. Far across the distance And spaces between us You have come to show you go on. Near, far, wherever you are I believe that the heart does go on Once more you open the door And you're here in my heart And my heart will go on and on I LOVE YOU MOM!! ******KISSES****** ((((((HUGS))))))