Well made it through yesterday, Tay's birthday/another year without you. I did good. UNTIL I talked to you know who. My self worth which I've been so much cleaning up, trying to anyhow....was shot all to hell and then if that wasn't bad enough my own lovely mind racing threw gas on the already flaming fire. Heck, I may have even tossed in a grenade or two. I think I was up all night 'remembering' and bashing myself on top of it. I KNOW I have flaws, LOTS of them and will never be good enough. Try as I may, I'm never gonna 'fix' most of them. I can certainly understand how some folks drink. I tell you, if I was a drinker I would have drowned myself last night. UGH, anyhow thanks for listening. Tay has chemo later and Mara is going with me. Her and Tay have an AMAZING bond. I'm teaching Mara all about Taylor. She's the only one who'll know her every day and how to take care of her. Someone needs to know that! And no, no worries. I'm in my right frame of mind. Showing someone else the 'just in case' plan is, well....necessary and should have been done a long time ago. Just been no one whom I've trusted. But I'm good... I peeled myself out of bed this morning, took a cold shower to distinguish any remaining flame (haha, see I'm even a horrible joker) It'll be a FANTASTIC day, thanks for the chat! Love and miss you ((((((((HUGS))))))))) ********KISSES********* PS. The cemetery people kind of chewed my butt yesterday while I was there. All your 'stuff' they say is on someone else's property so I have to move it BEHIND your headstone. Bryson said he was just having a grumpy day, but we moved it anyhow.