Hi Mom, My darn computer is acting up again. Had to go in the safe mode and find out the problem. I finally got into windows so I could get on line to talk to you. Sure wish you could talk back to me. I am coming up to your house tomorrow after I take my car in and find out why my license plate lights are not working. My remote start will not work either. They must of did something to it when they repaired my car after the accident. Lee has the utility room all painted and it is almost ready for the new floor. We are putting in the same floor as we have in our new kitchen. It sure does look nice. I sure wish you could see it. I know you would like it. I have a busy week next week at work. I have to do 110 boxes of parts by next Thursday. Sure hope I can get them done. I hope I do ok on the drive up tomorrow. It is really hard going up there knowing you will not be there. I just have to believe that you are happy and not in pain in heaven. Tammy has alot of dreams about you, and I have to believe you are talking to us threw her. I have never had a dream about you but that darn clock Dino and Becky got you keeps doing strange things to me. Loud noises and the pendilum stopping. (not spelled right) Maybe that is your way of talking to me. I sure hope so even if I do not know what you are saying to me. The holidays are around the corner and all of us are feeling it. Mom you where the biggest part of our holidays. Me and you would get dinner ready in the morning hours before everyone got there. Who will help me this year? Who will go to the casino with me? How will we be happy without you? We lost you three weeks and two days from the time we found out you had cancer. We just was not prepared to lose you. Mom you knew you where dying even before you went into the hospital. You cleaned the necklace and told me where it was at and when you wanted to wear it. I had to put that necklace up knowing it was for your funeral. That necklace will always be on you. It is around your neck. I sat at your dining room table that day and told you to fight. You where so depressed but you said you would fight and fight you did. Mom on the day we had to tell you that you would not be able to have any more treatments because they would not help you and you ask us if you where going to die I just lost it. You seemed so upset with us for not fighting for you but Mom we had to put your life in higher up hands. Sometimes medicine just does not work anymore and that is what happened to you. Your arms and hands where so swollen that water was leaking out of your arms and towels had to be placed under them. Your hands look almost deformed. You would hold them up and look at them and just shake your head. Mom we never ever stopped fighting for you. We loved you to much to do that. We had to let God decide what was best and he choose to take you to heaven with him. The weeks after you passed away was a complete daze to us. Even little Bryson could feel it. When he would see his Grandma Beanie he would not let her out of his site. When she had to go she would have to sneek away and when he noticed her gone he would cry for her for hours. He would look at your pictures all the time and say your name. He still remembers you. At the funeral when Beanie got up and started talking about you it was wonderful. She did such a good job and I am so happy that she did that for our family. Julie said a beautiful prayer for you. I know you was looking down with a big smile on your face seeing all the people who loved you so much. It sounds like you are having a wonderful time in heaven in Tammy's dreams but please Mom do not forget us. Watch over all of us and help us through the holidays. Mom I love you and miss you. Love and hugs Debbie