So here I am Mom...finding my way back here once again. Can't stop thinking about you. Was up 'til after 2A and back up at 7ish. Hard time of year you know and for some reason this year seems to be even harder. I'm making a video in love and memory of you! I must have watched/listened to it 100x today. Been sitting right here at my computer most of the day. I'd get up and try to get something down only to get lost in missing you and end up right back to your video again...watching, listening, crying and remembering. Thoughts race thru my mind. I remember when you first got sick...I knew Mom, I KNEW you had cancer and were gonna die. I knew before anyone else, even before the Dr dx'd you. Today Bryson saw thru my sadness and missing you and says to me "Mom, I would have tried to save your Mother, but she already died and is in Heaven now. I'm sorry Mom, I would try to save her if I could". WOW!! Where did that come from? Guess he knows/sees more than I realize. Left me wondering/thinking if I did everything I could have done? I knew weeks before you were officially dx'd with cancer, why did I wait so long to insist on that Catscan to confirm what my heart was telling me?? Ugh...soo hate these horrible thoughts everyone said would fade away and be replaced with only good ones! Went to the cemetery yesterday. Bry stepped and sat on you and said 'Grama doesn't care'. He helped me fix a few things up then we left with a kiss goodbye. Taylor's MRI of her brain and spine is Wednesday....I know you'll be there! I love and miss you Mom! ((((((HUGS)))))) ********KISSES*********