Love, Tammy on 11/16/2011

I'm still here Mom, been awhile...over a month. Sorry!! I had a dream, but I think you all ready know that. I got up with Jarrod yesterday morning, than went back to bed for awhile cuz there was no school. In my dream the day rolled back to 12/18/08 and I was trying to figure out WHY?? I knew it wasn't REALLY Dec 18, 2008 and I was trying to figure out why I'd dream that it was (all this was happening IN my dream) and then I saw you....sitting at my table where my computer sits (my computer wasn't there though...that's just the chair you were sitting in) and I KNEW it couldn't be Dec 18, 2008 cuz you had already died than. You didn't say anything, but I was able to touch and hug you. Then I woke up and all day I kept wondering what the purpose of that dream was?? So I thought this morning I'd come here....and look back thru your old 'thoughts' I wrote to you and see what or if I wrote anything dated "Dec 18, 2008" and of course I did. The first sentence stood out and said this: "Hi Mom, sorry it's been so long. I know you always hated that...hated when your kids would let so much time lapse between calling you." I smiled so big when I saw that! So here I am and yes, it's been too long and I'm sorry! Sooo, lets talk =) I'm doing ok...REALLY!! Tay has her MRI on Friday, we see Dr C afterwards, he's gonna pull up the scan and we'll decide where to go from there. She has ear surgery again on the 28 of this month. Not too sure what's going on with that ear Mom. We can't keep the infection away and the polyp is back. He's going to remove it again and explore around a bit. I hope to have some answers w/everything going on by the end of the month. Bryson...he's a nut! I thank God every day for him and when I look at him, I always remember "YOU told me Mom, you told me he'd happen"! Even though he doesn't remember you, he knows you Mom and he loves you with all his heart! And I am so blessed for that! He shares that same connection that I have, the one that allows me and you to still feel a part of each other. I'm sure people think I'm nuts, but I KNOW you're there...here,I know you still exist! I feel you all around me and I see how happy you are! I tell ya, if I didn't have that I would have never made it thru losing you! Thanksgiving is next week, what used to be my favorite holiday has become my least favorite. Traditional Thanksgiving spent at your house surrounded by ALL the family was/is priceless and ohh how I miss that. NOTHING will compare or replace that glory! It's been a nice November weather wise Mom. You sure would have enjoyed it and I know you....you would have been right out in your yard finding something to do! God how I miss you Mom! I'm drinking coffee out of your cup now, so wish you were sitting next to me! I love you Mom!! Have enjoyed our morning chat! I won't go so long between visits....promise! Hey, for what its worth. I did go to the cemetery last week, Tay and I, on our way home from clinic. It was pouring rain, so we sat in the car for 30 minutes. She sang, talked and even complained a little. She misses you too, but I KNOW you visit her often! I LOVE YOU Mom!!! ((((((((HUGS))))))) *******KISSES********