Still finding it hard to believe you are not here Mom. It will be 2 months tomorrow since you left us and yet I can't bring it to myself to truly believe it. The pain...the pain is still raw. Some days I think it actually gets worse. Some days I just want to scream as loud as I can and just break down. WHY did this happen? I know you were a firm believer in 'things happen for a reason'. I am just waiting...waiting for the reason for all of this. I know...everyone has their time to die and no one lives forever, but I pictured you to be around much longer. I remember how'd I'd tell everyone 'she has more energy than I do'. You LOVED taking care of yourself and your house. I think you were so very proud that you were able to. You are one of the only people I know that really appreciated life and how you were physically able to go out and 'work'...to mow your lawn and take care of your house. There was no way you wanted someone else to do for you what you were so proud of being able to do yourself. I remember a couple weeks before you died "Oh Tammy, I wonder if I will ever be able to mow my lawn again?" Mom...I wish more than anything I could see you out there on your riding lawnmower,...see you watering your flowers and feeding your birds. I remember every morning...I could hear your car coming down my road just before I could see it. It had a distinctive sound to it I guess. Every morning between 9-9:30 you'd pull in. Bryson and the other little kids would run to the window...so happy that 'nama' was here. It'd take you a few minutes to get out...not because you were slow by any means, you just usually had your hands full of something you were bringing over. Whether it was your awesome chicken soup, goulosh, orange jello or something from the family dollar store...you LOVED that store. You'd stop by the window every morning and clap your hands for Bryson. He'd always clap back 'yayyyyyy' and you'd both have a big smile on your face. Oh how I miss that, and at the same time I will never forget it. For all the little grandkids...the ones that are too little to remember the wonderful Grandmother they have. Grandma Joan...'Nama'...she was the best grandma, all the kids LOVED going to G-ma's house. She was always there to greet them with a smile. No she wasn't a cookie baking g-ma (she made the best fudge though...and TONS of other good food) she always had treats for her little grandkids, and toys to play with. She was just a warm loving g-ma that would do anything in the world for her family. All of her grandkids had a special place in her heart, and they were all born for a reason. She never got tired of having any of them over and was always happy to have company. She was the center of us all. The place we'd celebrate the holidays. The one we'd call with any family news. Today, if you were here Mom, Becky is right...you'd be down there visiting that new grand baby of yours. They would have sent you a ticket to come down. You would have waited to make sure Taylor was ok and over her little bout of sickness before you went. You were always very concerned about her. Then you'd be off to FL for about 10 days. Yep, they would have spoiled you with their good cooking. One of your favorites was Dino's liver and onions! I'd call you or you and Becky would call me every day. You'd tell me what you did and it would have included a good meal or either a nice restaurant or home cooking. You'd tell me how you didn't like them to spend their money on you but you so deserved every bit of it Mom. One thing that made us all happy was to spoil you. You were so good and making each of us happy and you always made sure we were taken care of. To see a happy look on your face when you opened a Christmas gift or we were able to give you something you so deserved...that look was priceless Mom! Oh I just can't believe all of this is no more. You won't be with us this Christmas to open your gifts. The way you always watched us all and you'd wait till last. Then you'd sit in your chair with all your gifts around you and open them one by one. The grandkids would usually help you. Then you'd remind us how we didn't have to do all of this...get you gifts. But oh you'd be so proud and happy. You had six kids who thought the world of you! I miss you so much Mom, I miss how you were always there for me...with every little thing I'd ever need I could always count on you to be there, by my side, to call you and just hear your voice was so comforting to me. Mom, I remember the day Taylor was born, you were right there by my side. Dale holding one hand and you the other as the Dr told us the very grim news about our Sweet Tay. You told me that everything would be ok..that'd we'd get thru this, God would give us the strength...things happen for a reason. It was exactly 10 years later, in the very same hospital that I had to hold your hand and tell you the very same thing. Oh, Mom...it is so very hard. I miss you so very much. I love you Mom...with every breath I take I think of you! ((((HUGS))))) ****KISSES*****