I love you Mom! I was playing with Bry in his closet last night and I came across the pad of paper you had in the hospital...the one you wrote things down on. I read it, and it sure hit me hard Mom. When I read the part 'am I gonna die', well it took my breath! I've read that a hundred times, but for some reason it really hit me hard. It's been almost 7 months and I am realizing now that you REALLY aren't here. You are missing the days we all live thru. Your grand kids growing up, the weather (that's one I am sure you don't mind missing at all) the holidays, birthdays and all the little things. It's hard Mom, it's hard here without you. I just never imagined this day coming...I don't think any of us did. I went to bed last night missing you and thinking of you. I cried like I did right after you died. I prayed so hard to just be able to see you in my dreams and thank G-d I was able to. I woke up a few times through-out the night but each time I fell back asleep I'd continue to dream about you. We were driving in the car, you were driving, I was admiring you...your face and just being with you. I asked you again 'Mom, I know you told me this before but were you 'ok' when you died, were you in any pain'? You told me 'yes...you were ok, and no you were not in any pain'. I said to you 'last time I asked you told me your throat was a little sore'. You said 'yeah, it was a little, but it isn't anymore'. I said 'well it was probably sore from the tubes down your throat' and you looked at me and said 'WHAT tubes?? There were tubes down my throat...there were no tubes down my throat Tammy'. I thought for a minute and said 'you're right, there weren't, you didn't want them', Then we went to the park. I had a baby...it was mine and it was a boy. No one, not even me knew I was having another baby. That part was wierd. I have no idea HOW I had another baby, but he was mine...and he sure looked like one of my kids. Tons of hair and cute cute!...lol. We took him to the park then later we went to a casino kind of thing, only it wasn't slot machines. We all sat in a room in chairs and were given cards that looked like bingo cards. They had numbers on the bottom and they called off the numbers, whoever matched them all won. They called off the first time and I didn't have my cards in time so I couldn't play. I helped you check your numbers, but no luck. The second time I had my cards and when they called off the numbers I WON!! Not sure how much I won, but I shared with you. The person who won before us won 1000 and it was shared between 3 people. I was the only winner this round so maybe we won $3000 Mom!!! Wouldn't that be nice!! There are other parts of my dream, but I just can't remember. Debbie was there I know, but I can't remember much about it. We all miss you so much Mom, Bry gives you kisses everytime I have your web page up. Tay goes for her MRI on Wednesday...I know I've already told you that. I LOVE YOU MOM!!!! I'll write again after Tay's MRI! (((((HUGS)))))) *****KISSES*******